A letter to my parents

Dear Mum and Dad

I don’t really know where to begin, but this letter is really just to say thank you!  Thank you for raising me and putting up with me for the last 17 years.  I’m so grateful for everything you did with me when I was younger that allowed me to have an awesome childhood and teenage years.  Thank you for being my taxi, taking me to swimming, ballet and all the social/school events I’ve been involved in, even though you’ve had better things to do, especially in recent years with my siblings. 

Thank you for all the money you have spent on me over the past few years, and for filling in all the forms too.  Thank you for letting me explore the big wide world and for not stopping me from doing all the things I’ve wanted to do.  You taught me how to get the most out of the activities I do and to treasure the memories I have, the good ones for happiness and the bad ones as lessons.  You taught me how to be brave and persevere, even when I gave up at first, and you taught me to always go one step further, to push myself and become a better person. 

I know I don’t show it properly but I am so blessed to have done some of the things I have done, but I wouldn’t have been able to do them if it wasn’t for your love and encouragement.  You helped me to become more independent and shared many words of wisdom, and terrible jokes too.  Even when you were stressed and tired you would still help me with any problems I had and that means so much.  I know I haven’t always been easy to deal with, I’ve answered back, slammed doors, cried and said stupid things and for that I am sorry.  Sometimes I take for granted your unconditional love and kindness, but I know how lucky I am.  I am nearly 18 now, but I hope one day in the future I can give something back, although I could never pay back for everything.   

I am always thankful and hopefully I’ve made you proud.  I hope I haven’t let you down.   

Love you lots,

Violetkatie xxx 🙂

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I don’t know where my heart lies

Hello again blog!

I am so sorry I have been neglecting this blog, I have been slightly caught up in a world of exams, university applications, social and family issues which just got time to catch up with me too quickly.  It isn’t even an understatement that I’ve barely had a weekend since august and before that I was struggling to find myself the spark for writing that I wanted, but I’m so glad I’ve found it again.

I won’t begin with my huge emotional problem just yet, but I want to just point out a lesson I learnt last year.  It doesn’t matter how bad, how good, angry or excited you are, always do your best and always give back to those around you.  I honestly couldn’t thank the friends who made last year so fun, and taught me so much, and all the people who helped me survive school.  I am definitely going to work a lot harder this year.  I think I finally am confident enough to go for it this year, and that is what I intend to do.

Now unfortunately, I would love to say that this year was a great start, but it hasn’t been completely what I planned.  I am rushing to complete a 5000 word essay as part of a school qualification and it’s due in at the end of January.  Not only is it 5000 words, but I have no idea how to fit all the things I’m supposed to in it.  I also have managed to become very much reliant on chocolate over Christmas, and if I don’t get it under control I will probably end up 15 stone.  But that isn’t the thing that has pulled at my heart.  Let me give a brief summary so I don’t mess up my words.  Not many people know that I have a boyfriend, apart from my closest friends and a couple of his, oh and my mum.  We’ve been together 8 months, and on Sunday it will be 9.  Our relationship is a long distance one, he lives about 3-4 hours away, so I only see him every 2 months but we’ve always had a great time and I really appreciate our time together.  We are both 17 and in September we are both hoping to go to our favourite universities which happen to both be in the same city, only 20 minutes or so away.  Neither of us knew which universities were each other’s favourite but when we found out we were both excited (because why not).

A couple of weeks ago he said that he found the distance hard, but he still wanted to be with me, and he knew that we should be together.  I will admit that it’s not easy at all to love someone so much who’s far away.  But we’ve both learnt to cope with it pretty well and we know it will be easier when we are at uni in September.  Then a couple of nights ago we agreed to go on a bit of a break, as he was finding it a bit too hard.  We both know each other so well now, and trust each other so much and more than a few tears were shed.  We promised we wouldn’t break up, it was just a break.  I know some people will think it was stupid but breaking up was the last thing we wanted.  It was a very brave thing for both of us to do but we believe that it will help us cope a little better if we take some steps back for a few months, and I fully respect that and believe it  So why do I feel so sad?  I know that we still love each other, we are still going to meet up and we are still as close as normal, but I feel like a pin put a tiny hole in my heart.  It’s a small thing, but it really hurts.  I can’t even believe I’m acting so soppy, but that’s love I suppose.  He didn’t hurt me, he never would, it was just the situation did.  I know he’s been feeling this way for a month or so, and he’s thought about it a lot, whereas I never really thought about it.  It’s only a few months, not even 6, and it will mean that when we are at uni that we can be together properly.  Things haven’t changed that much but I know I’m not completely okay.  I know he doesn’t find it easy either, but it is making him happy and as long as he is, then I am.  It just feels so much more lonely.  I’m scared to say some of the things I used to, our nicknames, our really bad but hilarious flirting.  I don’t know what’s right or isn’t, and now I miss him even more.  Oh what I’d give for summer to come around quickly, and to be able to ask him all the questions I want to.  I think I’m scared of what will happen if it changes, if he finds someone else, or if I will (although I doubt it).  He said the other day that he doubt that would happen, and that he believes in us, but I can’t help but feel a little vulnerable.

I know that I’ll be okay, and I could tell him anything.  I just don’t feel ready to yet.  We know how much this relationship means to us and I could never be angry at him.  He cares about me in a way that no one else really does, he’s made me smile so much more than I used to, and he’s one of the most genuine and kind people I know.  I just have to get through the next  few months.  I know it will be worth it, in the end.

I think I’ll just leave it there, before the tears start to fall.  But one quote I think I’ll leave with is from a great scholar: Winnie the Pooh – “how lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye to so hard”

VioletKatie xx

It’s okay to be different

Good morning!

I would like to address an issue that is constantly appearing in my school during different phases of the year, and which appears to follow me around all the time….

Everyone is different, and everyone has their quirks and their limitations.  However one thing that we do too often is to let other people’s opinions and criticisms consume us.  We feel more influenced by what others think, than what we think ourselves.  This does make a little sense to be honest, however I feel that some people just take it too far.  I know I am different, you know you are different, there is no normal.

One thing that has led me to become largely annoyed over the previous weeks is the inability of some to accept that we do not go by the same lives.  I have countless people tell me in the past week “well it’s your fault you can’t see the worksheet, you deal with it” and “you aren’t very popular so why would you not accept an invitation to come to my party – I’m trying to help you look cool”.  First of all, may I just say I wouldn’t change who i am for anyone, and there are things that do prove challenging to deal with.  However I wouldn’t be who I am without them.  The person who thinks that I’m not cool, and not popular, has never before talked to me.  They don’t know that I swim, dance, volunteer and have a seperate life away from school.  And I enjoy these things, they help me learn and grow as a person, and I’ve had so many opportunities to make new friends and try other things.  The reason I don’t really go to parties is because I don’t have the time and I don’t find these people interesting.  The sad thing is that some people go to parties every week, as it is the only thing they do.  That is their choice, and my choice is mine.  If only more people would understand that it is okay to not follow the crowd, and to be your own person, and I am happy to have my small group of friends at school.

To the people who blame me for my visual impairment, and tell me to “deal with it”, I’ve been doing that all my life.  I don’t just “deal with it” anyway.  I embrace the fact that I perceive the world differently, and although it does take more time and effort to do things, that is okay.  Life is too short to worry and be upset by your limitations, I learnt that a long time ago.  Being visually impaired is part of who I am, and I feel it makes me more interesting.  I’ve had challenges and setbacks, just like everyone else.  However I have accepted these and overcome them.

To the people who tell me I’m boring, and that I look weird.  You never talk to me unless you have to.  You may ignore me and pretend I’m not in your class, but I am.  I have opinions like you do, you just never hear them as you are too scared to talk to the “vi girl”.  But I’m not just VI, I’m a student, I’m a girl, and I’m a human.  Everyone deserves a certain level of common decency and respect, but unfortunately there are people in this world, in this generation, who are not able to look past the obvious.  It is a shame this is true.  I may not be able to talk about everything you want to, and I may not understand why people chose to do some things, but I can discuss ideas, and events, and many things inbetween.  I do have a brain, and a heart, just like everyone else.  But I am different, and that is nothing to be afraid of.

My message to the people who doubt me is; I am just as capable as living life to the fullest as you are, and I intend to do so.  People believing I can not do things very well, and I don’t fit in with everyone else, I honestly don’t care.  I have my life, and I will enjoy it.  I have often spent hours crying because I couldn’t accept who I am, and I thought I was a disappointment to everyone who knew me.  I used to deliberately skip social events because I thought I would embarrass everyone else, but I won’t do it anymore.  I’m tired of sacrificing who I really am to make others feel better.  I want to live, and those people who aren’t happy with that – you deal with it.

Love Violetkatie xx